The following excerpt is from Chris Rock’s stand-up comedy special Bring the Pain (HBO, 1996):
Legalize it, man. All drugs should be legal. All drugs should be legal. Why? ‘Cause people wanna get high. That’s right. People thinking about getting high right now. People like “Damn, how much longer to the show?” People love to get high, man.
You could get rid of all the illegal drugs in the world and it won’t mean shit. People want to get high. You can get rid of all the crack, all the herb, all the blow. You know what would happen? People would just think of new ways of getting high. That’s right. Guys would go in their basement and become scientists. “Check this out. Check this out. You know, you get a baby’s bottle, right? Fill it up with a little gasoline and dead lima beans and suck it. You’ll be fucked up.”
That’s right, man. Now we got the war on drugs. Bullshit. The war on drugs is bullshit. Just another way to get more mother fuckers in jail. That’s all it is. That’s all it is.
Drug dealers don’t really sell drugs. Drug dealers offer drugs. I’m 30 years old. Ain’t nobody ever sold me drugs. Ain’t nobody ever sold nobody in this room some drugs. Was you ever in your life not thinking about getting high and somebody sold you some fucking drugs. Hell, no!
Drug dealers offer, “Hey man, You want some smoke? You want some smoke?” If you say “no,” that’s it. Now Jehovah’s Witnesses on the other hand. Shit. Yo man, drug dealers don’t sell drugs. Drugs sell themselves. It’s crack. It’s not an encyclopedia. It’s not a fucking vacuum cleaner. You don’t really gotta try to sell crack, OK? I’ve never heard a crack dealer go, “Man, how am I going to get rid of all this crack? It’s just piled up in my house.”
For another comic on drugs go to “Bill Hicks: Where Have All The Balls Gone?”